Growing up with the illusion of a family like the Huxtables, the Brady Bunch, The Partridge Family. I fit right in, in my dreams of make believe. Aww, perfect on the outside, not so perfect on the inside. Lost in thought, illusions of possibilities and fairy tales. Is this a dream or is this my reality? Faced with many forms of fear, in my Mother’s womb, why was I trying to come before time? Did I not know, obviously, I dare to set foot in a world, a world of confusion? Uh, oh let me out of this hell hole. The hole I’ve created in my own mind, dismayed by a 2-family home, 2-car garages, a family dog named Duke, a sibling, … home cooked meals nightly… so, what’s the point Bobby?
I’m trapped, the noise, it’s too loud, the drinking, the chaos, all normalized; after all, I have everything I could ever want, so I thought, then pray tell, what is the problem, Bobby? The inner child responds, “I’m not sure,” many forms of fear I might add. Help, I ask my God. Trapped in my own thoughts of disillusionment. I’m looking for something, “God, where are you?” Oh, well, think I’ve found it, in this greenish, brown bud they call weed, this Mary J., this chronic, this joint, this, this land of make believe. Oh, how blissful, now I can fit in, guess what? I’m not afraid anymore.
Oh, how blissful, now I can fit in, guess what? I’m not afraid anymore.
Camouflage, nobody will ever know, this scared little girl with pigtails, hazel eyes, reddish skin tone, a smile on one side and a frown on the other. Well, I found my solution. A joint to wake up, a joint to go to bed, a joint in the middle of the day just to say “Hey” to the world, or just to look the part. Living in a land of make believe. Nobody told me about the progression. I didn’t know. I wanted to kill myself. This is not a dress rehearsal! This is real life! Can someone wake me up now from this dreadful dream? I woke up alright, in treatment…after trying to kill myself.
If this story sounds familiar. Check me out. I might be able to help. There’s life after addiction. We Do Recover!
Ask me how?
~DIANE M. BETHEL
D. Bethel Counseling, License: Florida MH18296
Wow! You never know what people are going through or what has shaped their perspective on life. Everyone needs somebody to pay attention to the flags that raise up. Thank you so much!